Tomboy Rants: High-Low, Why?

Can't even see the hi-low hem on this one right away until you look closely.That's why the model has her hip thrown out like that. To hide her shame.Shame, Gap. Shame.

It seems like every promising sweater or even some basic T-shirts is falling prey to this ridiculous, unflattering trend. When it showed up a couple of years ago, I thought there was no way something this unflattering to something like nearly everybody would stick around.

Well, I'm not right about everything.

What's a high-low hem, you ask?

It's a hem like in the photo above, where the back of the shirt is a few inches longer than the front, also known by those of us who were snorting in disgust before the trend ever began as "mullet hem". This is an idea that mostly looks good on little kids or toddlers, whose bodies are still naturally fairly wiry and lanky. I have seen six year olds rock a high-low hem like nobody's business.

Unfortunately, they insist on making these shirts and dresses for adults.

The problem with high-low sweaters and shirts being all over the place?

I have boobs.

I know, I know; it's simply shocking that a woman might have something happening on her chest, and no fashion designers ever feel like they should plan for it. Instead, they primarily design shirts that only work if you're flat-chested, stick-thin, and have no hips. So if you fit all three of those categories and you are also 5'10", well, these designers are here for you!

If you're the other 96% of womankind, um, sorry.

The fashion designers didn't know people like you needed clothes that don't make you look like a lumpy potato! Whoops!

That's why I hate high-low hems. They ruin otherwise perfectly beautiful shirts, and they are basically taking over Loft, which has been one of my favorite places to get good basics. I can't trust Loft's basics any longer, though, because even your average T-shirt is liable to have been hit with a side-split high-low hem like this:

I'm so disappointed in you, Loft.I want to love you!Let me love you!

I love that T-shirt design. I WANT that T-shirt design. I want that Murky Blue color they have available on the website in my life. But high-low is just not going to work. Because I have a chest, it makes the front part of the hem ride even "higher", and trust me, nobody wants me flashin' belly at this juncture in my life. Unless you want me to go into a rant about how that whole "prevent stretch marks with moisturizer/coconut oil/cocoa butter" is a scam and whether or not you get stretch marks is basically genetic, so stop being so smug you moms in bikinis. Then the "low" part - which is meant to actually be, y'know, low - just ends up being the length the whole damn shirt should have been in the first place. They advertise it as a "low" hem, and it will still barely clear my hips!

And I'm supposed to think this is attractive!

And spend money to wear things that look like that!

Basically, Katie Angry, Katie Smash.

Katie Want Normal Hems to Be Trendy Again.

Et tu, Boden?

Do you have a "fashion trend" you feel is either awful for you or just sticking around way longer than it should? Would you like to rant with me about how stupid high-low hems on T-shirts are? Please, comment! I love rants! Rant with me! Join my angry club of women with boobs! Or without boobs! The angry club accepts all.

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